Anonymous social media site Blind shows the real reasons CEOs like Tim Cook want workers back in the office post-pandemic
Tim Cook wants Apple workers back at the office.
He and many other insecure executives who initially praised remote work now miss the “hum” of activity. He elaborated in a letter to his staff. I’ve paraphrased his message below, with some poetic license.
How to overcome your strange fears from growing up below the poverty line
When I moved into my apartment, I was shocked at what I found under the sink.
“Wow!” I said to my boyfriend. “A garbage disposal. Fancy!”
Aaron gave me the side-eye. I could tell he did not think the garbage disposal was fancy.
“How does it work?” I asked.
“How does the garbage disposal work?” He was sure he hadn’t heard me right.
I nodded. Here’s all I knew about garbage disposals:
- Country bumpkins like me didn’t grow up with them.
- City mice like Frasier Crane worried about their delicate limbs being ground up inside them.
- They were so noisy you could threaten others with the sound.
“You just flip this switch.”
Aaron flipped the detonator…
And what that can teach you about how NOT to handle anger in your relationships
1. Grandma Anonymous
“You don’t have enough sense to raise pigs,” Grandma Josephine wrote in a letter to my mother just after I was born. Signed, Anonymous.
Another time, Grandma Josephine told Mom that her kids look just like her and that’s why she finds her grandchildren so repulsive. Signed, Anonymous.
Despite the author’s halfhearted attempt at a concealed identity, Mom swore she recognized Grandma’s handwriting from Christmas cards.
We guessed she signed them with her alter ego Anonymous because she wanted to express her anger, but thought signing her real name might make it awkward when she showed up for dinner the…
The rules change when you move from Appalachia to San Francisco.
When I announced I was moving from West Virginia to San Francisco, everyone agreed it would be a different world, but no one warned me about city people.
Everyone in my hometown was too busy talking about the buildings.
“The buildings will be so tall!” they said. Thanks, Debbie. Super helpful.
They should’ve warned me about the life forms inside the buildings: city people. City people are the inhabitants of this new alien planet. Their customs are getting sushi “real quick” and taking ski trips to Tahoe. …
Why we want to go off our antidepressants and what we can do instead.
In my early twenties, I couldn’t orgasm for six months. Thanks, Celexa. Another time, my body broke out in a rash like I’d spilled red ink under my skin. Other side effects included rage so intense I’d have to rip pillows apart so that I didn’t end up on the news with hostages.
But most of the time, my Celexa-Wellbutrin cocktail keeps me in a stable place. Even with side-effects, I’m happier medicated than not. Without my meds, I cry all the time. A monotonous boo-hoo that makes me just an awful employee. When not leaking tears, I get so…
Something embarrassing happened to me a few weeks ago.
I realized I was wrong.
Being wrong isn’t always embarrassing, but I was so convinced that I’d been right. How certain you are, is proportional to how embarrassed you’ll be, when you find out you’re wrong.
The Clown and the Asshole
Here’s the situation: I’m a clown. I’m an asshole. I like to say provocative things. I like reactions (or I claim to.)
When I share one of these half-cocked, unpopular opinions, people might think this means I’m attached to them. In actuality, I’m just suspicious of consensus. I’m a master of devil’s advocate arguments. …
I’m super-triggered, and I feel unsafe.
It’s February. No one remembers you had “food poisoning” last year.
A lot of my coworkers told me “Happy New Year” this year. Everyone looked me right in the eye when they said it, and John from Accounting had the balls to ask why I hadn’t responded to his “Happy New Year” text he wrote specially for me and his 200 other contacts.
I’ve never liked the new year. Strangers telling you their resolutions, followed by thirty days of writing the date wrong — what’s not to hate?
That said, now that January’s over, I remembered one thing I love about the new year — everyone’s forgotten about the last-minute excuses…
When your partner asks you for a threesome you don’t want, use these tips to sabotage it!
Your partner asks you for a threesome. You aren’t into it, but their half of the rent is too high to make it a thing. Instead, you’ll go along as a saboteur and teach your partner they never really wanted a threesome in the first place.
Here’s how you’ll pull it off.
Take the lead.
Make your partner believe you can’t wait to share their genitals with someone else’s genitals. Your attitude is, Yes indeedy, the idea of crowding up our bed with another person’s stank sounds awesome!
To prove it, you’ll take the lead on the threesome project. The first step? …
How to sit between your diagnosis and your dysfunctional family.
Watch out for the mugger who gives noogies.
I’m standing on Mom’s front porch when someone puts a knife to my back.
“Better watch out,” my oldest brother growls. “I thought since you lived in the big city now, you’d be on your toes. What if I was a mugger? I’d have you!”
He flips his pocketknife away and giggles.
I forgot how he could be. Moving across the country can help you forget. This is the first time I’ve been back in my hometown in West Virginia in three years.
I smell Mom’s baked chicken through the kitchen window and head inside for dinner. My brother blocks…
Sherry Mayle
Appalachian comedy writer living in San Francisco. Laughter is the best medicine if you don’t have any real medicine. sherrymayle.com to subscribe.
