No, working from home isn’t ruining your sex life.
Ancient Germans thought passing an object over a baby’s head caused the baby to stop growing.
That’s just an old superstition from an ancient people — good thing modern folks don’t believe crazy shit like that anymore.
Just kidding, we totally do. Here’s proof.
Modern Superstitions
For the last year and a half, more people than ever have been working from home. That’s long enough for these workers to look around and notice the world has a few problems.
Where did all these problems come from? …
Anonymous social media site Blind shows the real reasons CEOs like Tim Cook want workers back in the office post-pandemic
Tim Cook wants Apple workers back at the office.
He and many other insecure executives who initially praised remote work now miss the “hum” of activity. He elaborated in a letter to his staff. I’ve paraphrased his message below, with some poetic license.
Companies who don’t allow remote work are saving billions of dollars by costing their employees long-term wealth.
The American commute is the worst it’s been. More of us than ever are commuting at least 90 minutes one-way, and our average commute time as a nation is one hour per day.
After the pandemic sent most office workers home, multiple studies have shown that productivity hasn’t suffered.
In the future, the daily commute could become an obsolete tradition for many of us. …
Plus 5 more excellent reasons to never go back to the office.
“Human beings weren’t meant to sit in little cubicles, staring at computer screens all day.”
— Peter Gibbons, Office Space (1999)
In the movie Office Space, Peter Gibbons hates his job. He isn’t going to go anymore.
“You’re just not gonna go?” his friend Joanna asks. “Won’t you get fired?”
“I don’t know,” Peter says. “But I really don’t like it, so I’m not gonna go.”
“So you’re gonna quit?”
“No, no, not really, I’m just not gonna go.”
“Okay,” Joanna nods. “So what are you gonna do about money and bills?”
“Y’know, I never really liked paying bills? …
Nah, not a proud psychopath. Not a republican either, which I've been called a few times because many of you can't tell the difference anymore between your enemy and someone who has a different perspective. Let me give you mine - it would be a terrible disservice to you if I let you dismiss me as a psychopath so that you can go on believing crazy shit that justifies the biases in your well-worn neural pathways.
I was raised in rural West Virginia. If anybody in my small town would've seen a man dying on the streets, he would be…
Whether they’re hacking their own companies or playing League of Legends for 40 hours a week, these developers all have one thing in common — a death wish for their careers.
Coders are the only people who signed up for a career trying to automate itself out of existence. We have a death wish — for our jobs.
That’s why there are so many stories on the internet about us getting fired for avoidable and hilarious offenses.
If you hate your job and want to go out with a bang, here are six ideas from developers who have come before you. Think of it as standing on the shoulders of giants … and then jumping to your death.
6. Print anime porn until you melt the company printer.
Imagine you’re at work, and you think, “I’d like to see somethin’ dirty…with…
Yeah, my employer might care about the culture, but do they know why they care? It's possible that I'm missing some fundamental bonding requirement, but why do we all have to participate in a "culture" in order to work together? Why do we all have to share a core set of similar viewpoints? Isn't that the opposite of "diversity?" Physical diversity is all well and good, but you also need diversity of viewpoint.
I'm not saying you shouldn't encourage your employees to bond, but in the past, when I've worked at companies who pushed office culture, it was just a…
LOL. No. My job is a paycheck, and when you try to convince me it's something more, I wonder about your motivations. What's missing in your life that your job provides you with all these things you aren't getting elsewhere?
I can't say this loudly enough - I really and truly do not care about your office culture. Please keep it.
Nobody is invisible just because they went home. Like, does everyone have object permanence issues? We're still here, guys, you just can't see us. It's like when your mom used to play peek-a-boo! That doesn't mean you can't see the product of our efforts, and frankly, if those efforts were tied to how we look in the office, you have a weirder problem. We aren't all Kim Kardashian - we're office workers.
Sherry Mayle
Appalachian comedy writer living in San Francisco. Laughter is the best medicine if you don’t have any real medicine. sherrymayle.com to subscribe.
