If you want to crush it at the office, you have to know the rules. Otherwise, you might accidentally accomplish something and get labeled a troublemaker.
Troublemakers don’t get promoted — only rule-followers.
I’ve worked for The Man for the past ten years. I may not follow the rules, but…
Ancient Germans thought passing an object over a baby’s head caused the baby to stop growing.
That’s just an old superstition from an ancient people — good thing modern folks don’t believe crazy shit like that anymore.
Just kidding, we totally do. Here’s proof.
For the last year and a…
Tim Cook wants Apple workers back at the office.
He and many other insecure executives who initially praised remote work now miss the “hum” of activity. He elaborated in a letter to his staff. I’ve paraphrased his message below, with some poetic license.
The American commute is the worst it’s been. More of us than ever are commuting at least 90 minutes one-way, and our average commute time as a nation is one hour per day.
After the pandemic sent most office workers home, multiple studies have shown that productivity hasn’t suffered.
In…
“Human beings weren’t meant to sit in little cubicles, staring at computer screens all day.”
— Peter Gibbons, Office Space (1999)
In the movie Office Space, Peter Gibbons hates his job. He isn’t going to go anymore.
“You’re just not gonna go?” his friend Joanna asks. “Won’t you get fired?”
…
Nah, not a proud psychopath. Not a republican either, which I've been called a few times because many of you can't tell the difference anymore between your enemy and someone who has a different perspective. …
Coders are the only people who signed up for a career trying to automate itself out of existence. We have a death wish — for our jobs.
That’s why there are so many stories on the internet about us getting fired for avoidable and hilarious offenses.
If you hate your…
Yeah, my employer might care about the culture, but do they know why they care? It's possible that I'm missing some fundamental bonding requirement, but why do we all have to participate in a "culture" in order to work together? Why do we all have to share a core set…
LOL. No. My job is a paycheck, and when you try to convince me it's something more, I wonder about your motivations. What's missing in your life that your job provides you with all these things you aren't getting elsewhere?
I can't say this loudly enough - I really and truly do not care about your office culture. Please keep it.
Appalachian comedy writer living in San Francisco. Laughter is the best medicine if you don’t have any real medicine. sherrymayle.com to subscribe.
